kit's Xanga

Why am I not surprised

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 19:27:20 GMT

Got a phone call from my sister this morning. She and BIL and my mom were coming on Boxing Day for dinner. You see they drive right by me on their way to the cottage, which they go to almost every weekend. Literally I'm 5 minutes off the highway. But they never stop in, either on their way up, or their way home. Too busy, too much traffic, want to get home etc etc etc. We visit their home regularly. So it's pretty much a one way street.

This Boxing Day (which is the day after Christmas for those of you not of British descent LOL), they are going to the cottage. My mom, who lives in the same city as they do, is going with them. I invited them to stop and have supper with us and "do Christmas". Have a meal planned and everything. Today my sister phones and they've decided to go up to the cottage early, since they want to get there before dark, since it's snowed, and they will have to shovel the steps to the door (they have a snow plow service do their driveway to the cottage, so it's just the 4 steps). So they'll stop in. For a cup of tea.

Thanks

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 21:30:50 GMT

Started holidays today. Thank goodness. I was truly exhausted last night. Everyone at school yesterday kept telling me how tired I looked - gee thanks, I think..

I am no where near being ready for Christmas - Still have shopping to do for gifts and food. And don't even think about the wrapping. Tree will get decorated tonight. I know that's pretty late, however we do leave our tree up until Jan so we will still have lots of time to enjoy it.

So tomorrow will be crazy - church in the morning, then shop shop shop. Go get Dave in the afternoon, Concert in the evening. Monday probably more shopping, wrapping, cooking etc. Church in the evening, then over to a friends house for snacks.

Christmas Day won't be too busy, with just bil and sil coming, then Boxing Day my sister, bil and mom come for supper. After that I'm collapsing. There will be enough leftovers in the house to keep the family fed, and I plan on spending a day in bed surrounded by books, music, and my children bringing me tea, then diet coke, then wine - in that order LOL.

Beyond Anger

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 01:14:05 GMT

http://www.thebarrieexaminer.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=813609&auth=Tracy+McConkey

This story was in my local paper this morning. I happened to open the paper at school today in the staff room. When I read this story I was so angry I was almost in tears. Not a good thing when you need to go teach. But I felt slightly nauseous.

I knew about this case. It's been in the news several times. The actual crime is horrendous enough. Read the article carefully. The man who committed these crimes is a sick individual. No question. He committed a horrible crime against some of our most vulnerable citizens. But that isn't what made me sick, believe it or not. It was the comments from his lawyer and from the judge.

This is the comment from the prosecuting attorney: "I can not think of a more vulnerable victim," Flossman said. "He picked the ones that couldn't speak ... they were confined within their own bodies ... these are offences of stark horror." Sounds reasonable.

However his defence attorney disagrees: it is unknown how much damage has been done to the victims.

"We can't hear from the victims," he said, noting the rapes do not match the horror of beatings or abuse in rape cases that get penitentiary sentences. So because these individuals cannot speak, are developmentally disabled, may not be fully aware of the scope of the crime against them, that makes them less able to feel the horror of what he did to them? They were at his mercy. They were relying on him to care for them. They cannot protect themselves, so that makes them less worthy as a victim? less important? The crimes committed against these vulnerable people are not as severe as the same crime committed against a person of average intelligence? I'm speechless. I realize that his job is to defend his client, and I support our justice system. But he can do that in a number of ways that don't involve negating the impact of the crimes on the victims because they are disabled.

But wait, there's more. Then the judge weighs in. The parents of the children are here. I'm sure hearing about their children is horrific. It might have been horrific for the children. These are the things I have to ponder." What exactly does he mean by "might have been". You are an individual in a wheelchair, completely dependent upon caregivers and one of them removes your diaper to rape you - and it MIGHT have been horrific????? What planet is he from? The judge has to ponder these things before he decides upon a sentence. Maybe he should spend a day at the group home, speaking with these individuals, and take the opportunity to see them as fully human, not less than. He can bring the defence attorney with him.

I believe we measure our worth as a civilized society, by the way we treat those most vulnerable amongst us. I can only hope in the end that this judge comes through to prove that we are still a civilized society. Once we start saying that the disabled are less than, it's a slippery slope - are women less than? children? visible minorities? gays? Does anyone remember the Holocaust?

We need to stand for those who can't stand for themselves.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 02:07:22 GMT

Tim's home from university for a few days. He wrote his 4th exam last night, and doesn't write his 5th until next Saturday so he decided to come home for a few days. Of course he's not actually home, he's out with friends LOL. Gotta love the social life of an 18 year old. He brought home a huge bag of laundry, so he'll be doing that tomorrow. He said he'd get up in the morning - I told he could have the car if he got up and drove me to work. He wants to get his hair cut, go to the chiropractor, and get his shopping done. If he does he'll be way ahead of me.

I'm feeling pretty good about the next two weeks of school. I went into school this morning for a few hours to finalize some units and planning, so it's looking good. It's crazy busy with meetings and holiday activities though.

I figure shopping will get done. I hope to get most of it done online, and hit Toys R Us tomorrow or Tuesday for Evan's final wishes.

Not much else to say. Been kind of boring here this week. My staff party was Friday night, and it was wonderful. Lots of opportunity to visit with people, good food and music, and good dancing. Peter's staff party is next Friday night, so we'll see how it compares.

Next Sunday is the choir concert - Peter, Emily and Evan are all singing. Evan has a small solo part, and Emily sings a solo, so that will be nice. It will be a good way to get in the spirit of the holiday. Hopefully most of my shopping will be done by then (ha).

So, that's about it. Not much to say, but I've been trying to write at least two times a week. Maybe something exciting will come to mind that I'll have to share my thoughts about.

ADHD

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 02:19:31 GMT

One of my students is a boy in grade 8 who is diagnosed with ADHD. He could be a poster child. He stole my heart this fall - am I allowed to say that about a student? He is a sweet boy. He also can drive a teacher stark raving mad in less than 60 seconds. He cannot sit in a chair, he cannot control what comes out of his mouth, he speaks out, constantly insults other students, picks on the weak, does absolutely no work, despite the ability to do so. He has little to no impulse control.

Despite all that we've established a connection this year. He knows that I'm his ally, that I will go to bat for him and work within his abilities, but that I won't tolerate him harassing other students. He exhausts me daily, but I think he's worth it. Mom is very angry at the school because she feels that over the last few years she has been blamed, and considered an unfit mother. I'm new, so so far I haven't been a target for that anger.

A week ago, last Friday, I was sitting with him at the computers. He came in upset and I gave him 10 min to do what he wanted on the computer before getting down to school work. He was muttering to himself and started to say something was "retarded". He stopped himself (huge for him!!!!). My students know I will not tolerate that word, they know that I have a son who is disabled, and I will not let them use that word in any manner, joking or not. So he stopped himself (huge) and then apologized to me (wow!).

Monday comes - he is doing work, he is helping other students, his hair is even combed. He is still silly, sweet and goofy, but he's being productive. Mid-week. Other teachers are commenting - my teaching partner saw him one day and asked if he'd been away all week since she hadn't noticed him. He is asking to stay in and get help, to be able to get his work done. He asked to stay after school yesterday so he could get his homework done because he doesn't have a computer at home. He is helping to protect a new student who is very vulnerable.

What's happened? Is it my superior teaching? Wish I could take credit. When I was speaking to him this week and complimenting him on his change in behaviour and attitude he told me he started taking Ritalin. His mom doesn't want anyone to know.

You know, I'm not a huge fan of drug use for children. I think we should always try and change the system to meet the needs of the learner, not change the learned to meet the needs of the system. But this one boy and this one treatment are a match. It's like the fog has cleared from in front of him and he can see again. I have never seen such a dramatic change in a child. He is able to be his true self, work at being the best he can be because all the extraneous noise is gone from his brain.

For this one boy, this one medicine has made a big difference. Wish I could hug him and tell him how proud I am of him.

Need To Hide

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 17:16:49 GMT

The other day I had a conversation with a talented teacher. He loves teaching primary/junior kids. He's taught kindergarten and thoroughly enjoyed it. And he's good at it. He works hard, he understands children, he is deeply concerned about their learning. And while he will keep his teaching qualifications up to date, at this point he is leaving the teaching profession. Why? Because he's gay, and lives in fairly constant fear that he will be targeted and his life and career splashed on the front page of the newspaper. When, when, when, is society going to stop the persecution.

I understand his decision. But I mourn the loss to the children and to the teaching profession. It makes me so angry to see every day the negative consequences of prejudice. I would be thrilled beyond belief if this man taught one of my children. I'm sorry that they will never have that chance.

Often at this time of year we begin to think about changing, making things better. I long for a world in which living our lives with honesty and integrity is far more important than who we love.

Split Personality

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 12:41:55 GMT

Does anyone else live two completely different lives? Don't worry, I'm not talking about having a second family in another city - who would have the time for Pete's sake? I'm talking about the different ways I am regarding my job, and my house. At school, I am uber organized.

My lessons are planned several weeks ahead, with the understanding that I might have to modify them.
Meals planned at home? hah, rarely, and even then Peter does most of the cooking these days.

At school, my paper work is kept up to date, everything filed and in it's place. My desk is organized before I leave each night.
Home - dining room table piled high with paper, every flat surface in the house has paper on it, often I have to search for something before I can find it.

At school I follow a schedule, not only for my classes, but for the regular things that need to get done. Behaviour tracking is done on Tuesdays, filing on Fridays, planning on Sundays (cuz yes I spend about 6-8 hours at school on Sundays), marking is done within 2 days of the assessment, etc
Home - I put away laundry when I can't stand it anymore, I clean when I can't stand it anymore, I make my kids do chores when I can't stand it anymore - seeing a pattern here?

I think it comes down to attitude. At school, I don't have a choice, I know it needs to be done, people are relying on me, their opinion of me matters, I don't want to let them down, and it's just my job. I know if I carried that same attitude home, then I'd be better here. But mostly when I'm home I want to snuggle on the couch with my kids, watch some mindless TV, check on the boards on the computer, and just generally chill with my family. I guess at school, I'm just there to do my job, there are not other demands on my time. But at home, there are so many ways to spend my limited time, that I resent doing the work that will only have to be done again next week. Don't know if I know the solution.

However, yesterday when Peter took the kids to the Santa Claus parade, and I was spared the agony of being out in the cold for an hour, I put away all the laundry, and make more of a dent into the pit of despair - also known as Evan's room. And I made a wonderful supper. So I felt slightly redeemed. Until I got up this morning, and saw the remaining chaos in the cold light of day, and just wanted to crawl back into bed. But ...

after another cup of tea, I'm off to school. You enjoy your Sunday. And if you're cleaning, think of me.

Christmas season is beginning

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 00:10:39 GMT

I know it's Thanksgiving for my American friends, but here in cold white Ontario it seems that Christmas season has started. Tonight was the tree lighting downtown in our city. They light the lights on two huge trees, and also the lighted animated displays along the waterfront. The evening ends with fireworks. It was flipping cold out and snowing, but I was there, because the choir that 2 of the kids sing in was performing. I am such a devoted mom.

Tomorrow is the Santa Claus parade. It's at 5 pm, so it will be about 6 by the time it passes by the spot we usualy go to. Both my 15 year old and 10 year old want to go. I'm pretty sure that will be a Dad thing, since he wasn't out freezing with me tonight!! His turn. (in his defense he's on duty at our local Out of the Cold tonight).

Kids are all fine. We had a brief illness, but it didn't last long. School continues to be crazy. There are so many many students that are so needy. I could spend my days consulting with behavioural experts and psychologists, but somewhere in there I'd like to actually teach something.

Actually I had a great day yesterday with my math group. They are grade 8 students who are no where near doing grade 8 level material. We've been working with fractions, and last week I had them search allrecipes.com for recipes that they liked. Each set of partners could choose one recipe. Then I had them double and triple, and half the recipe, etc, so they could put into practise the fraction work. Then we voted on what to make. So yesterday we made 4 loaves of chocolate chip banana bread. And they were fantastic - they worked hard, weren't silly, cooperated, and cleaned it all up when we were done. I even overheard some great math breakthroughs. "Well they are using the 1 cup measuring cup and we need 3 cups of flour, so why don't we use the 1/2 cup measurer and just put in 6 of those" This was huge!!! They came down later in the day to have tea and eat the banana bread. We saved some for the parent volunteers who manage pizza day on Friday. All good. It filled my soul a little bit. Good thing since today I spent 2 hours doing data input with my principal and that did a fine job of deflating my soul.

I have to head out in a bit to pick Em up from Youth Group, but then I'm getting in my jammies and snuggling under a fleece blanket to try and get warm. Have a good weekend.

Day at Home

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 13:19:11 GMT

I'm staying home today with Evan. Monday night he started to get sick, and Peter made plans to stay home on Tuesday with him. Emily got up Tuesday, she was was sick so the three of them were home. Em's back at school today, but Evan threw up again yesterday afternoon, and last night he spiked a fever, so I figured he could use another day at home. He actually is pretty good so far, and said he wants bacon, eggs and toast for breakfast - so I think his stomach is recovered LOL. I told him to start with toast. I'll give him the morning to chill, but I think this afternoon I'll have him do some school work. He's missing a math test today, so we can study for that. As a teacher I know how quickly the class moves through material. Missing 2 days ends up being a lot.

I'm always amazed how long it takes me to prepare the day for a supply teacher. You have to spell everything out, leave detailed notes, make sure everything is laid out in order, and essentially put all those little details that you keep spinning in your head down on paper. I like it when I can get someone that has come in before, knows the kids, and knows the school. I don't have to explain all the school routines etc. I know friends who end up coming in to work when they don't feel well, just because it's easier than preparing for a supply LOL.

So what to do today? I think I'll relax for the morning, help Evan with school work, and then this afternoon tackle his room. He's got toys to sort and clothing to sort, and it's a disaster. I also have my math course stuff at home, so I can work on that. I'm preparing workshops to present to other teachers on how to teach math through problem solving. It will be nice to have a couple hours to spend on that.

Taking Risks

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 22:44:16 GMT

On Friday, I did something that scared the crap out of me. I work with an incredible woman. She is so passionate about teaching, so caring about the kids, I truly admire her. Last year she was my mentor, part of a program to provide support for new teachers. I truly valued her advice, and she always made me feel so positive about what I was doing. And I learned a great deal.

This year I've had the opportunity to work with her more closely. She is also a special ed resource teacher, and once again she has been invaluable as I learn the ropes, showing me how to do the paperwork, teaching me the 'resource' part of the job with unending patience. I felt like we were really getting to be friends, equals.

So on Friday I took a risk. I'm a very private person. I don't share much about myself, or my personal life with others. And I rarely share the difficulties. It's important to me to appear to me on top of things and in control. Slowly, I've been sharing some concerns with her, about some things that have been worrying me. I knew she could give me good advice, and a listening ear.

Well on Friday, I made a huge leap. I shared some things with her that I have never told anyone. Literally, no one, but Peter, knows these things about me. But I had been thinking about it for weeks. When I develop friendships, people often share a great deal with me, I seem to invite confidence. But when it comes to me, I keep the filter on. I keep many things locked up. But that can really limit a friendship. And I didn't want to limit my friendship with this woman. I wanted her to truly know me.

So I screwed up my courage, and managed to blurt it out - not at all in the way I'd rehearsed in my head. And she took it the way I knew she would. And it was fine. It was Friday after school, we went home and all was well. Then I started to panic. I worried about what effect it would have on our relationship. Would she draw back? Would she be uncomfortable? Would she think less of me? I was really worried that I had damaged our friendship. I worried all weekend.

This morning I went into the school to work, and I knew she would be there as well. The minute she called me an idiot, and gave me a hug, I knew it would all be okay. We had a cup of tea, and talked for half an hour, and I can't stop smiling. I feel validated. And like the weight of the world has been taken off my shoulders.

So my message is that if you've been hesitating with a friend, think deeply, and if you trust him or her, go for it. The truth really can set you free.